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Enjoying the golden rays of the sun on a winter afternoon

March 07, 2003
Yesterday when we were going for lunch Sud mentioned he witnessed a brawl between a lady and a man in the station - the lady was shouting 'you have spoiled my life' and hitting the man. Everyone was laughing - why could I not laugh? I dont think the feeling that lady was going through was something to laugh about. I remember Priyanka - she was transformed - as if someone has snuffed out the light from her life. I was too young then and not yet emotionally sensitized to understand the feeling, the emotional stress. Do men always remain that way - emotionally un-sensitized even when they grow up ? Or else how can they inflict such pain on another human beng? Probably I sound biased when i say just men - maybe some woman also do...but I can bet the balance is tilted. Here's another nice song....

Oh, I thought the world of you
I thought nothing could go wrong
But I was wrong, I was wrong
If you, if you could get by
Trying not to lie
Things wouldn't be so confused
And I wouldn't feel so used
But you always really knew
I just want to be with you
And I'm in so deep
You know I'm such a fool for you
You've got me wrapped around your finger
Do have to let it linger?
Do you have to...do you have to...do you have to let it linger?



posted by Tuya 6:34 PM
. . .
March 06, 2003
Today I learnt:

<>
Rameses II is the son of Seti I and his principal wife Queen Tuya.

Huh, I did not know my name has any link to Egyptian history!


posted by Tuya 5:45 AM
. . .
Now I am home - the living room has a dream-like atmosphere. The two corner lamps are glowing a mellow-yellow, filling up the whole place and the Bose system is playing Paul Mauriat's "Love is Blue" - unlike the title implies, it is quite a happy note and I love it - even better than the Richard Clayderman version. I am at peace.

I dont allow my memories of the day take away this beautiful moment in my "present".
I imagine the blue sky, the white clouds running around, the lush green paddy fields.
And this too shall pass.

The disc skips to the next number; Robert Miles' "Fables" brings back IIMB - the dark night sky with the bright stars and the music pulling me out of the intricacies of Corp Fin -ahh there's the sound of happiness beating around the room - Bose is great :)



posted by Tuya 5:24 AM
. . .
When I was walking back home, it was drizzling. I did not have an umbrella, just the hood of my coat - raindrops pitter-pattered on my face and the mp3 player blasted...."you take my breath away" - it was great.

Through the hourglass I saw you
In time you slipped away
When the mirror crashed I called you
And turned to hear you say
If only for today
I am unafraid
You take my breath away


Were they tears of humiliation - no they were raindrops aplenty. Illusion/fantasy is a cushion - it helps you retain sanity.


posted by Tuya 5:01 AM
. . .
March 05, 2003
Today's a dull day....I dont feel energetic - maybe I should go down to the gym and spend 30 minutes on the treadmill - to kick myself awake.

posted by Tuya 10:46 PM
. . .
March 04, 2003
"I am part of all that I have met;
Yet all experience is an arch wherethrough
Gleams that untraveled world whose margin fades
Forever and forever when I move.
How dull it is to pause, to make an end
"


posted by Tuya 9:31 PM
. . .
I had a lovely time at home yesterday. First of all I was back early, so I had plenty of time and I was alone. The lawlessness with which I spent the time made it so enjoyable. Fiddled with my mails and Kazaa for a while, then watched Tom&Jerry while consuming some snacks for dinner, switched to BBC news while gobbling two Haagen Daaz (RoyalMilkTea-Vanilla and Chocolate-Vanilla), slept off in the sofa till my neck started hurting and that's when I crept into bed - peaceful!

I was supposed to have a very different day yesterday - was supposed to take leave and stay home and what-not...but I made up for the initial disappointment. I have started to take control and not be controlled because other people dont care. No one can hurt me unless I allow myself to be hurt! I am what I am. :-) So many of our troubles vanish, if we can effectively regulate our expectation level !!



posted by Tuya 9:29 PM
. . .
While coming back from office I felt free today ... that sort of surprised me. Why should it be that way? When Shy is there I feel obligated to do certain things and I never realized that has such an impact on me. I was looking forward to walking in home without any expectations to meet, without any must-do things - I actually felt free and that somehow scared me. Am I also getting into that hole of "married women" who is busy living upto expectations? I think I have lot of freedom - I can do almost anything I want to do - but that expectation is something so hard to live upto. At home I never had to live upto any expectation and that is the BIG difference - I just realized it today!

posted by Tuya 3:07 AM
. . .
March 03, 2003
Shy is leaving for Singapore and HK today. I am depressed. I know it is only 4/5 days, but I hate to think of going home without him there. Now wait a minute...is that true? I think partially true. At other times I enjoy spending some time on my own.
There is a strong breeze blowing today - but today is another of those very bright days - large puffs of cloud on a deep blue sky. I could see the Sakura trees already having buds - may be the Cherry blossom season will be quicker this time.


posted by Tuya 5:12 PM
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