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Enjoying the golden rays of the sun on a winter afternoon

March 07, 2003
Yesterday when we were going for lunch Sud mentioned he witnessed a brawl between a lady and a man in the station - the lady was shouting 'you have spoiled my life' and hitting the man. Everyone was laughing - why could I not laugh? I dont think the feeling that lady was going through was something to laugh about. I remember Priyanka - she was transformed - as if someone has snuffed out the light from her life. I was too young then and not yet emotionally sensitized to understand the feeling, the emotional stress. Do men always remain that way - emotionally un-sensitized even when they grow up ? Or else how can they inflict such pain on another human beng? Probably I sound biased when i say just men - maybe some woman also do...but I can bet the balance is tilted. Here's another nice song....

Oh, I thought the world of you
I thought nothing could go wrong
But I was wrong, I was wrong
If you, if you could get by
Trying not to lie
Things wouldn't be so confused
And I wouldn't feel so used
But you always really knew
I just want to be with you
And I'm in so deep
You know I'm such a fool for you
You've got me wrapped around your finger
Do have to let it linger?
Do you have you have you have to let it linger?

posted by Tuya 6:34 PM
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March 06, 2003
Today I learnt:

Rameses II is the son of Seti I and his principal wife Queen Tuya.

Huh, I did not know my name has any link to Egyptian history!

posted by Tuya 5:45 AM
. . .
Now I am home - the living room has a dream-like atmosphere. The two corner lamps are glowing a mellow-yellow, filling up the whole place and the Bose system is playing Paul Mauriat's "Love is Blue" - unlike the title implies, it is quite a happy note and I love it - even better than the Richard Clayderman version. I am at peace.

I dont allow my memories of the day take away this beautiful moment in my "present".
I imagine the blue sky, the white clouds running around, the lush green paddy fields.
And this too shall pass.

The disc skips to the next number; Robert Miles' "Fables" brings back IIMB - the dark night sky with the bright stars and the music pulling me out of the intricacies of Corp Fin -ahh there's the sound of happiness beating around the room - Bose is great :)

posted by Tuya 5:24 AM
. . .
When I was walking back home, it was drizzling. I did not have an umbrella, just the hood of my coat - raindrops pitter-pattered on my face and the mp3 player blasted...."you take my breath away" - it was great.

Through the hourglass I saw you
In time you slipped away
When the mirror crashed I called you
And turned to hear you say
If only for today
I am unafraid
You take my breath away

Were they tears of humiliation - no they were raindrops aplenty. Illusion/fantasy is a cushion - it helps you retain sanity.

posted by Tuya 5:01 AM
. . .
March 05, 2003
Today's a dull day....I dont feel energetic - maybe I should go down to the gym and spend 30 minutes on the treadmill - to kick myself awake.

posted by Tuya 10:46 PM
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March 04, 2003
"I am part of all that I have met;
Yet all experience is an arch wherethrough
Gleams that untraveled world whose margin fades
Forever and forever when I move.
How dull it is to pause, to make an end

posted by Tuya 9:31 PM
. . .
I had a lovely time at home yesterday. First of all I was back early, so I had plenty of time and I was alone. The lawlessness with which I spent the time made it so enjoyable. Fiddled with my mails and Kazaa for a while, then watched Tom&Jerry while consuming some snacks for dinner, switched to BBC news while gobbling two Haagen Daaz (RoyalMilkTea-Vanilla and Chocolate-Vanilla), slept off in the sofa till my neck started hurting and that's when I crept into bed - peaceful!

I was supposed to have a very different day yesterday - was supposed to take leave and stay home and what-not...but I made up for the initial disappointment. I have started to take control and not be controlled because other people dont care. No one can hurt me unless I allow myself to be hurt! I am what I am. :-) So many of our troubles vanish, if we can effectively regulate our expectation level !!

posted by Tuya 9:29 PM
. . .
While coming back from office I felt free today ... that sort of surprised me. Why should it be that way? When Shy is there I feel obligated to do certain things and I never realized that has such an impact on me. I was looking forward to walking in home without any expectations to meet, without any must-do things - I actually felt free and that somehow scared me. Am I also getting into that hole of "married women" who is busy living upto expectations? I think I have lot of freedom - I can do almost anything I want to do - but that expectation is something so hard to live upto. At home I never had to live upto any expectation and that is the BIG difference - I just realized it today!

posted by Tuya 3:07 AM
. . .
March 03, 2003
Shy is leaving for Singapore and HK today. I am depressed. I know it is only 4/5 days, but I hate to think of going home without him there. Now wait a that true? I think partially true. At other times I enjoy spending some time on my own.
There is a strong breeze blowing today - but today is another of those very bright days - large puffs of cloud on a deep blue sky. I could see the Sakura trees already having buds - may be the Cherry blossom season will be quicker this time.

posted by Tuya 5:12 PM
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